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      02-07-2020, 12:47 PM   #1
RIP_MKVI
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Birthday gift from wifey

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Got this for my birthday from wife

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      02-07-2020, 01:18 PM   #2
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      02-07-2020, 03:07 PM   #3
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Lol she's a keeper make sure you don't violate the agreement
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      02-07-2020, 03:19 PM   #4
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Depending on what you are into spending more than $5000 could be a win win... Turbo upgrade time?
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      02-07-2020, 03:30 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by magha View Post
Lol she's a keeper make sure you don't violate the agreement
Or violet it either. Can maroon it, though.

Maybe even mauve it!
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      02-07-2020, 03:57 PM   #6
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I know for sure I ain't marrying anyone that would pull this on me. Overall tone comes off as controlling, threatening, and untrusting. I wouldn't last in that relationship.
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      02-07-2020, 04:01 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anthony1s View Post
I know for sure I ain't marrying anyone that would pull this on me. Overall tone comes off as controlling, threatening, and untrusting. I wouldn't last in that relationship.
Ha. That's pretty generous and since they're married it's community property right? lol I mean some of us need a "no man" to keep us reasonable.
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      02-07-2020, 04:05 PM   #8
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Is your wife single by any chance?
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      02-07-2020, 04:12 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by infinitekidM2C View Post
Ha. That's pretty generous and since they're married it's community property right? lol I mean some of us need a "no man" to keep us reasonable.
I guess it boils down to the specific agreed financial terms of the couple, I suppose. How they agreed to manage money. Maybe OP is really bad at managing money and he knows it and his wife is good at it, so it's in their best interest for her to control the funds.

I was thinking the other day "Would my wife live in our house for free after our children have moved out?" I'm not married and have no children, it was just something I was thinking about. That it seems fair to me that she live there for free while raising children, because she is doing a job of maintaining the house and raising the kids. So that seems fair. But afterwards, would I want my wife to get a job and contribute financially to the mortgage and bills? Just something I was thinking about because I don't know how that works.
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      02-07-2020, 04:23 PM   #10
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So she's "allowance"ing you to spend $5k from your joint account? Or is it her account? Or is it your account? Just breaking balls...The certificate implies it just might come from Junior's college fund

I'd go to the 763 M swap with a bj kicker
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      02-07-2020, 04:46 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anthony1s View Post
I know for sure I ain't marrying anyone that would pull this on me. Overall tone comes off as controlling, threatening, and untrusting. I wouldn't last in that relationship.
I thought the overall tone of that was more humor than controlling.

If I'm wrong, then god help your soul.

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      02-07-2020, 05:50 PM   #12
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Its always hard for me when i see these posts on forums or facebook. "my wife is letting me mod, my wife allowed me to use 2000$"

On one hand its a bit funny, but on the other hand if you work a job that allows you to spend money without putting yourself or your family into financial debt...then shouldnt you be allowed to do so without anyone telling you no?

Maybe i'm one of the lucky ones, but my current girlfriend told me "please dont be mad at me if i come home one day with a Cayman".

I almost proposed to her right then and there. As long as both parties are responsible theres no reason why you shouldnt be able to do the thing you want with your own hard earned money.


All that being said. Like someone else mentioned above, maybe the OP has a spending problem and specifically asked his wife to do this to refrain him from spending willy nilly. who knows. However for me i could never marry someone who would think they can control my money like that.
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      02-07-2020, 06:30 PM   #13
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Jeez Louise, guys! Here's my stylized take on this thread:

1. OP posts something funny on the forum for all of us to enjoy. Obviously, OP and his wife have fun and she has provided him with something funny for his birthday

2. Bimmerpost proceeds to engage in Psych 101 armchair analysis, proposing that potentially, in addition to being the world's most controlling harpy, OP's wife may also suffer from Capgras syndrome

3. Bimmerpost members then band together to condemn OP's wife and offer to save him from his oppressive / horrible / life threatening situation, while also pointing out "thank god, I'm not in OP's situation"

There's significant research out there on the "dead weight loss" of gift giving, most notably by Joel Waldfogel. Waldfogel has found that, for example, Christmas gifts are typically valued at 70% of their purchase price. That means that for every $100 spent on a gift for another person, you may as well just hand them $70 in cash, and light on fire a twenty and a ten! You're literally wasting $30 by giving that person that $100 Christmas gift.

So, how to avoid dead weight loss? And how to actually give a loved one a gift that they will value MORE than the cost of said gift? Behavioral researchers have found that the ideal gift, one that creates significant "surplus utility," is one in which the gift giver identifies something that the receiver wants deeply, but for whatever reason is just holding back on and won't purchase for him/herself. The act of giving that person "permission" to buy what that person very much wants creates HUGE surplus.

One year, I desperately wanted the "war pig" tie that the clowns at Men In Blazers had produced. I think it was like $50 or something. Buying myself that neck tie was not going to put us in the poor house. But, by the same token, I didn't want to "waste" $50 on something so frivolous. In stepped my wife, and she ordered the damn tie off the website. It's one of my absolute favorite things in the world, and she gave me "permission" to treat myself to something I otherwise might not have.

Given all that, I read that hilarious birthday card, and what it says is, "I love you, honey, and I know that deep inside you very much want to make lots of cool mods on your car, but for whatever reason, you're holding back. Don't hold back. Have fun."

But, then again, OP, maybe your wife does have Capgras. If so, you need to make sure never to fall asleep in her presence, as there have been many cases where Capgras sufferers then try to murder their spouses, thinking their spouse is an android or alien imposter. Apparently, they seem to think that if they can kill the imposter, it will somehow bring their real loved one back.

Last edited by cptobvious; 02-07-2020 at 06:37 PM..
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      02-07-2020, 08:24 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cptobvious View Post
Jeez Louise, guys! Here's my stylized take on this thread:

1. OP posts something funny on the forum for all of us to enjoy. Obviously, OP and his wife have fun and she has provided him with something funny for his birthday
...

Given all that, I read that hilarious birthday card, and what it says is, "I love you, honey, and I know that deep inside you very much want to make lots of cool mods on your car, but for whatever reason, you're holding back. Don't hold back. Have fun."
This exactly! I wanna thank everyone for your concern of my well-being, but you guys are taking this way to seriously.

A little background of us:
  • - I work in wealth management industry and my wife is a CPA. We both contribute our fair share to household income.
  • - We purchased our home in early 2019, and welcomed our first-born child later in the year
  • - Given our professions, we are sensitive with numbers, good at budgeting, saving and investing to grow our wealth
  • - We are not rich by any standards, but we set up financial goals and have been exceeding them each year since we got married

By reading through the posts, I assume most of you are not married nor have kids. When I was single in my 20s, I could care less about future, I spend all my earning then some into cars. Saving? Never crossed my mind. All I cared about is how to make my cars go faster, looks cooler.

But when I got married, when I started to bear the weight of 30-years mortgage, when I hold my first-born in my arms, my roles changed and my mentality changed with it. We call them live-changing events for a reason. They change the course of your life, the way you think and your priorities in life. I knew I must take on the responsibilities of a husband a father and be smarter about money.

Make additional mortgage payment each year to paydown principal and save future interest accrual. Max out our 401K and individual Roth IRAs. Planning for retirement. Diversify our investment portfolios. Pick the suitable insurances. Set up education fund for my kid. All these things that I never cared about are now essentials of my life. Although I am still a car enthusiast I am a husband and a father first. I must make sure my family have a bright financial future. Now with that in mind, owning a sports car? Not a smart decision. Dump money on modifying that sports car? Needless to say.

When my son was born, I seriously thought about selling my M2C. Not that we need cash, but I knew I could put that money somewhere else and generating cash flow, instead sitting in garage and depreciating. But my amazing wife stood firm on keeping the car. She is not a car person, she tells cars by their color, she knows this is a money sucking machine, but above all, she knows how much I love the car and she supports me on this 100%. I am grateful for her support. Now that she “allows” me to spend more money on modifying? This is the best birthday presents to me.

You guys are saying oh I make the money and I can spend it on whatever I like, don’t need no one’s permission…Not that my wife makes as much as I do, even if she’s housewife, she would still have the equal say in any decision making in my opinion. I feel like once you formed a family, you should have only one goal, to thrive as one. To achieve this goal, there will be sacrifice, compromise in each party, but there will also be support and understanding from one another along the way.

Now, most importantly, I need to plan on how to use this “allowance”
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      02-07-2020, 08:41 PM   #15
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in that allowance, carve out a bit for a weekend getaway with wifey. double win
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      02-07-2020, 09:18 PM   #16
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Thanks RIP_MKVI for the extra detail. Can't agree with this more!

I can't speak for others but reading your response reflects the same arrangement I have with my wife. We share all that we have and make financial decisions together - making that decision early in our marriage has been great and definitely results in less arguments! She gets how much I love driving and knows I really appreciate having a better car. She'll treat herself with clothes (which depreciate even faster than cars!) and we love and accept that about each other...

Anyway, thanks for sharing, with Valentine's coming up I now need to find a subtle way of hinting for the same , although first I need to find the right M2...
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      02-07-2020, 11:24 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RIP_MKVI View Post
This exactly! I wanna thank everyone for your concern of my well-being, but you guys are taking this way to seriously.

A little background of us:
  • - I work in wealth management industry and my wife is a CPA. We both contribute our fair share to household income.
  • - We purchased our home in early 2019, and welcomed our first-born child later in the year
  • - Given our professions, we are sensitive with numbers, good at budgeting, saving and investing to grow our wealth
  • - We are not rich by any standards, but we set up financial goals and have been exceeding them each year since we got married

By reading through the posts, I assume most of you are not married nor have kids. When I was single in my 20s, I could care less about future, I spend all my earning then some into cars. Saving? Never crossed my mind. All I cared about is how to make my cars go faster, looks cooler.

But when I got married, when I started to bear the weight of 30-years mortgage, when I hold my first-born in my arms, my roles changed and my mentality changed with it. We call them live-changing events for a reason. They change the course of your life, the way you think and your priorities in life. I knew I must take on the responsibilities of a husband a father and be smarter about money.

Make additional mortgage payment each year to paydown principal and save future interest accrual. Max out our 401K and individual Roth IRAs. Planning for retirement. Diversify our investment portfolios. Pick the suitable insurances. Set up education fund for my kid. All these things that I never cared about are now essentials of my life. Although I am still a car enthusiast I am a husband and a father first. I must make sure my family have a bright financial future. Now with that in mind, owning a sports car? Not a smart decision. Dump money on modifying that sports car? Needless to say.

When my son was born, I seriously thought about selling my M2C. Not that we need cash, but I knew I could put that money somewhere else and generating cash flow, instead sitting in garage and depreciating. But my amazing wife stood firm on keeping the car. She is not a car person, she tells cars by their color, she knows this is a money sucking machine, but above all, she knows how much I love the car and she supports me on this 100%. I am grateful for her support. Now that she “allows” me to spend more money on modifying? This is the best birthday presents to me.

You guys are saying oh I make the money and I can spend it on whatever I like, don’t need no one’s permission…Not that my wife makes as much as I do, even if she’s housewife, she would still have the equal say in any decision making in my opinion. I feel like once you formed a family, you should have only one goal, to thrive as one. To achieve this goal, there will be sacrifice, compromise in each party, but there will also be support and understanding from one another along the way.

Now, most importantly, I need to plan on how to use this “allowance”
Thank you for taking the time to explain all of that. Always good to hear things aren't how I initially see them.
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      02-08-2020, 08:44 AM   #18
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Awesome...

Screenshot to show my wife as I have a birthday coming!
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      02-08-2020, 09:32 AM   #19
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Holy Hannah. Thread is pretty brutal.

I'm guessing a lot of folks commenting have never had a healthy equal relationship. I could be wrong, but this seems 100% normal to me.

My fiance and I always run large purchases by each other, it's not that we need permission, it's that communication is key to a happy relationship. We both contribute to the household, and are pretty close to equal as far as careers are concerned. We don't keep a joint bank account, she's free to do whatever she wants with her money, as I am with mine.

That being said, the note reads very tongue in cheek. I wouldn't consider it controlling at all.
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      02-08-2020, 09:50 AM   #20
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I read this and think you have a really cool wife that understands you. I also echo the comment about it was a great way for your wife to give you the approval to spend funds on what could be considered frivolous and hard for you to justify internally, and thus would never make these purchases as their are "better" ways to spend money. A marriage is a partnership folks, a team. You've got a good wife and she seems to have a good sense of humor as well.

My wife supports my auto enthusiasm. I would never justify my cars if my wife didn't tell me I deserved it and just do it.
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      02-08-2020, 10:38 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by detroitm2 View Post
Holy Hannah. Thread is pretty brutal.

I'm guessing a lot of folks commenting have never had a healthy equal relationship. I could be wrong, but this seems 100% normal to me.
That's a correct assumption about me at least. The last person I fell in love with said "I don't want to do that" when I asked to discuss our future. Other friends or potential girlfriends I've asked if we could see each other more consistently and they're like "I'll hang out with who I want, when I want". There's a clear pattern of similar things in all my relationships since childhood. Not just friends and girlfriends, but my parents and immediate family. Not caring about my needs or future or our bond. I mean, my mom would tell me I was an inconvenience to her whenever I asked for attention or help. I was never able to get her off the couch or her eyes off the tv, despite desperately trying at times. The last straw for that relationship was, I guess about 5 years ago now, I had kidney stones and asked her to drive me to the pharmacy after I got out of the hospital to pickup my prescription. It took a ton of arguing from me just to get her to do it, and the whole time she drove me she complained about me being an inconvenience to her. Around that time is when I was learning what healthy relationships were and decided to leave to find healthy relationships. I talked to my mom about it but she didn't budge or apologize. She just doubled down on everything and made it about her.

All my past relationships show me that bringing up a concern or need of mine leads to an argument and the person leaving me. It's like pulling teeth to get anyone to care about me.
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      02-08-2020, 10:58 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anthony1s View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by detroitm2 View Post
Holy Hannah. Thread is pretty brutal.

I'm guessing a lot of folks commenting have never had a healthy equal relationship. I could be wrong, but this seems 100% normal to me.
That's a correct assumption about me at least. The last person I fell in love with said "I don't want to do that" when I asked to discuss our future. Other friends or potential girlfriends I've asked if we could see each other more consistently and they're like "I'll hang out with who I want, when I want". There's a clear pattern of similar things in all my relationships since childhood. Not just friends and girlfriends, but my parents and immediate family. Not caring about my needs or future or our bond. I mean, my mom would tell me I was an inconvenience to her whenever I asked for attention or help. I was never able to get her off the couch or her eyes off the tv, despite desperately trying at times. The last straw for that relationship was, I guess about 5 years ago now, I had kidney stones and asked her to drive me to the pharmacy after I got out of the hospital to pickup my prescription. It took a ton of arguing from me just to get her to do it, and the whole time she drove me she complained about me being an inconvenience to her. Around that time is when I was learning what healthy relationships were and decided to leave to find healthy relationships. I talked to my mom about it but she didn't budge or apologize. She just doubled down on everything and made it about her.

All my past relationships show me that bringing up a concern or need of mine leads to an argument and the person leaving me. It's like pulling teeth to get anyone to care about me.
Yeah, been there for sure. A solid piece of advise for you, don't give up bringing up concerns and feelings. Communication is key, and if your other half isn't willing to communicate, or allow you to communicate, you may need to keep looking.


To be clear, I wasn't trying to make it an attack or anything, so please do not take offense. Everyone has a different idea of a "perfect relationship" and I can only offer my own experiences.
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